Wednesday, March 3, 2010

seeking guidance

I just got an appointment for us to see a child psychologist. Having a degree in counseling myself, I feel equipped in some basic ways to help myself and our family work through our thoughts and feelings around Hannah's CP, but as she becomes more aware (and Isabelle, too), I think we could use a consult and some more tips/tricks. Especially because it's always easier to counsel someone other than yourself, and things are also different when it's your own kid. And, we are considering some surgical options in the next year or so, which is going to up the ante in terms of how Hannah's CP affects all of our lives.

I'm looking forward to our appointment: first B and I will go, then hopefully the girls will have a session as well. But I'm also anxious: every time I find myself in a "therapeutic space" I do a lot of crying. It's like I know I can let my guard down and I just can't hold back the tears. I know there's nothing wrong with that, but I am a bit afraid to let it all come out, as it's been awhile since I've done any down and dirty grieving and it takes a lot of energy. But I guess if it has to come out, it will, and then hopefully there will still be time after the tears stop to get some good information, suggestions and ideas.

My biggest concern is finding a way to help Hannah accept her disability without having it crush her self-esteem. I remember having pretty wounded self-esteem myself as a teenager, and I don't have a disability. I envision tough times ahead for our girl and I want to do all I can to ensure she makes it through those challenging years with a strong sense of self and some skills with which she can handle the insensitive people and situations she will surely encounter.

My second biggest concern is how all of this affects Isabelle. There is no doubt that Hannah gets more attention and there's not much we can do about that. I can also see that this extra attention does not go unnoticed by Isabelle. I would love to find a way to ensure that despite this, Isabelle still feels loved and listened to and cared for in all of the important ways, and does not resent Hannah too much.

My third and most recently emerging concern is how Hannah will react, if at all, to Sam's increased mobility. He is sitting up, poised to crawl and will be walking before we know it, all with the ease and smoothness of a typically developing child. I wonder at what point Hannah will see this happening and realize he can do things she can't do, even though he's much younger than her. I want her to know that she will always be the big sister who can teach Sam many things, even if he can move his body more easily than her.

The poor psychologist we have our appointment with; I think I'm handing her a pretty tall order: ensure the total psychological well-being of all of my kids, please. With a side of fun and happiness sprinkled in.

2 comments:

Cary said...

WOW. This sounds like such a great idea. What a great mom you are and how blessed your family is to have you. I'm going to keep this in the back of my mind for when my boys are a bit older and start facing similar things.

Amy said...

Well put. I have my concerns about E...she already knows she is different. So far, I guess her self-esteem she seems to be okay. E integrates herself with other kids the best she can. I guess it helped that E went to school early--most kids don't tease other kids at such a young age (3-5).
E's gross motor function was tested about 5 months ago, and since she can't walk independently (reliably, anyway) she tested equivalent to a 14-month old. Her sister Vivian is 18 months, and YES at the time of E's assessment Viv could do more than E in terms of gross motor function. I thought E would be jealous, or upset with herself. Elena encourages Vivian wonderfully, like a good big sister. E does get frustrated with herself, though...quite a bit. Hmm.
I think I should have our family see a counselor too.