My Belle

I want to give a shout out to Isabelle because lately I've been feeling like she gets the raw end of the deal.  She's probably lowest on the pecking order of my divided attention to the 3 kids, because she doesn't have a disability and because she is not the baby. 

It's not fair and she handles it gracefully for the most part, but lately she's been giving a few indications that she realizes what's going on and isn't always psyched about it.

It's true that this scenario probably plays out in all families with more than one kid, with kids feeling short-shrifted and parents feeling guilt-laden.  But when you have a kid with special needs it seems accentuated that much more (then again, everything is accentuated when you have a kid with special needs!) The impact this has on your family reverberates through every member.

As of late, Isabelle's become pretty sassy with us.  She's talking back a lot, being kind of fresh, not listening, occasionally getting physical with Hannah when she gets frustrated with her.  None of it is horrible and most of it is typical but I don't want to dismiss it because I do think she's overdue for a little TLC.

I've been trying to find ways to spend more time with Isabelle but also realize that even if I can't schedule this well-thought-out, elaborate "Mommy and Isabelle" adventure, just giving her a bit more attention during a regular day, taking advantage of times when it's just her and I (fleeting though they might be), giving her a chance to try a new skill can all go a long way, I hope, toward repairing some of her feeling of neglect.  OK, neglect is probably too harsh a word but you get my drift...

And yet no matter how hard I try, things will always happen to undermine my best efforts.  In the past few weeks there have been a number of occasions when I'm out with all 3 kids, or just Isabelle and Hannah, and someone makes a comment about how cute Hannah is, or how they love her glasses or her hair or give her props for how well she's walking in her walker, etc etc.  Isabelle is always standing right there and she's a smart kid whose ears work pretty well so I cringe when these moments happen and I want to kick the people who make those comments in the shin.   "Thanks dude! There will be payback for that comment later!"  I'm sure it's no coincidence that lately Isabelle is very into making sure everything that gets doled out around here (drinks, snacks, special treats) is exactly the same between her and Hannah, and she often accuses me of shorting her.

And the whole "people making comments about Hannah" thing raises so many mixed emotions for me for so many reasons.  First, I'm annoyed that people are silly enough to say something to one kid and ignore the other that's standing right there.  Look at her face-would you ignore this lovely smile?!  Also, while I appreciate that people think Hannah's cute (she is!) I often wish no one said anything at all.  Are they overcompensating for their discomfort with her disability by commenting on her appearance? Trying to show how "disability-PC" they are? If she wasn't in a walker and wearing braces, would they fall all over themselves to praise her?  I should give people a break and not get riled up about it but we've had a few experiences of people giving Hannah extra attention which have been downright strange (not in a creepy-strange way but in a "that's kind of bizarre that you'd do that" way).

Anyway...all of this is added to my feeling that Miss Belle deserves a little something of her own.  As the girls get older and more comfortable being away from us and each other, I think it will be more and more important that they each have something that's their own.  It will be hard to see them leave one another behind for other pursuits but I know they'll always have each other.  And they each need their moment to shine.